I'm ready to climb the mountain now.. but only with Jesus beside me..

This past month, feels like it's lasted so loooong. I've been going through a valley of ugly... In the middle of the ugly, a precious friend, asked me a simple question, that really got me to thinking. She asked, "I was wondering, have you prayed about it?" ("It", being something I didn't want to do, but felt like I should do.") I was thinking... "Hello!!?? I pray every day!! Of course I've prayed about it... uh.... wait.... I have, haven't I? Surely I have.... but I don't remember praying for THAT exactly " So, I started to realize that my prayers had pretty much turned into a time of telling God, way up in Heaven, far, far away from me, way up in the blue sky, busy with other more important things than me, ... that I wanted to take a little time to thank Him for our blessings, but I sure would like more of them if it wasn't too much to ask. I prayed quick little short prayers for people who asked for prayers, and short little bursts throughout the day of asking for Spiritual protection for my children, and my husband, our school, our families.... BUT..... my prayer time wasn't a time of sitting at the feet of Jesus anymore. My heart wasn't washed daily in the beauty of His presence and my soul wasn't renewed as I soaked up His Holiness, His Beauty, His grace, His mercy, His Peace, His Comfort, His Love. I was on a mission of praying because it was what I'd always done and knew I was suppose to, reading His Word, because I knew it was good for me, but not really soaking it up and praying for my heart to be open and my mind to comprehend... Oh brother.. what in the world have I been doing?! In my busy life, I had to let something slide... and it sure shouldn't have been The One, the Only One, that truly matters. This morning as my children rushed out the door to school, before I did anything else, I reached out for my Bible, in my soft comfy chair with my coffee on the table next to me, and I read His Precious Words.. His promises to me, to you, His life, given for you, for me, so that we can be saved, so we can live under His protection, sharing His love that He freely pours on everyone and His redemption that He offers to everyone and anyone who wants Him. I saw the ugly black on my heart and the ugly sins that tempt me and I prayed with confidence in Him, knowing that He would wash my heart clean, though my sins were as scarlet, He washes them away, making my heart white as snow. His help is there to turn from temptations and offer beauty for ashes and strength when I'm weak. Power to the faint! Strength to live His holy plan for our lives. He just loves us like that! While we were still sinners He died for us! He opens His wells of grace and salvation!! The chorus of that song.. I sang it.. (much to my cat's dismay, I didn't take it personally)... "Open the wells of grace and salvation, pour the rich streams deep into my heart, cleanse and refine my thought and affection, seal me and make me pure as Thou art." ... and the verses... "Dead to the world would I be O Father, dead unto sin, alive unto Thee. Crucify all the earthly within me, emptied of sin and self may I be... I would be Thine and serve Thee forever, Filled with Thy Spirit, lost in Thy love. Come to my heart Lord, come with anointing, showers of grace send down from above!!"

I read the story of Mary, looking for Jesus after the crucifixion, and not finding Him and how she saw two angels sitting in His tomb, but she didn't realize they were angels and how she was crying and they asked her what was wrong and she told them they had taken away her Lord.. and then Jesus was standing behind her, she turned around, not knowing who He was, and Jesus asked her why she was weeping and whom was she seeking, and can't you just see His eyes, His heart of love, and Mary thought He was the gardener, and asked Him if He'd taken Him away... and Jesus said, "Mary".. and then... Mary... can you just imagine her feelings? Looking up at Him with wonder and love, said, "Rabboni".. meaning "Master". I wish I could have been her..... but then I'm probably more like Thomas .... "Except I shall see in His hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into His side, I will not believe." .. and then when that chance came for Thomas, his reaction is still beautiful.... "My Lord and my God" I'm so thankful God gave him that chance.. not only for him, but for me and all who are like me. I'm sure He put that part of the story in for us....

Friends

My heart and mind have been full of the blessings of friends the last couple of weeks. They are such a precious gift from God.

Growing up as a little girl, I remember a few friends, not very many, but I loved them and we had fun.. then when I was about 9,  I left that group of friends, and lived with my grandparents, where I was surrounded by friends.. close friends. I was part of a community and church all wrapped up in one. We went to church, went to school, and had social activities together all the time, with the same people or the same type of people. Only socializing with others who belonged to our same church denomination. There was a lot of singing, playing games, visiting, working, playing... it was safe, comfortable, fun, loving, nurturing and actually just plain beautiful. I made some bad choices though, and left, (got excommunicated) from this precious group of people/friends that I loved and felt happy with. So... I had to find a whole new group of friends.. people to hang with... I left with my bags in hand and moved to McPherson, not really knowing anybody on the "outside"....

Obviously, since I was expelled from a church, my choices weren't lining up with God's will..and it was amazing how quickly I found "friends". They weren't the kind of friends I would choose now, nor that I would ever want my children choosing. These friends opened up my eyes to a whole new world. With these friends, I experienced life on a college campus..Aggieville was a lot of fun, the bars in McPherson held lots of opportunities of new things to try and do, and I realized that if you party hard enough, you can overwhelm the Still Small Voice that calls you, and wants you to come back to Him. This new group of friends and I had fun.. a lot of fun, but honestly.. fun only lasts so long.... I realized I was running from Him. I don't know why I chose to do that, when He alone gives peace, comfort, and love that never goes away... The darkness you can sink to when you turn away and run from God is deceitful, you don't realize how low you're going until you give in to God, turn around and look at what you've done, how you've changed, and what you've become... So.. this brings me to my next set of friends....

Since this is really about friends, I won't go into the story of how God got a hold of me.. but He did. My friend list was very short during this time.. It's kind of hard to be living for God, and hanging with friends who don't care about Him. So.... God started sending me different friends, friends that were putting Him first in their lives, who loved with God's love, who had courage, Godly wisdom, who trusted Him, had faith in Him, who'd asked Him for forgiveness. Friends who were sinners like me, washed in the blood of Jesus, sanctified, redeemed, covered in the righteousness of God, no matter what kind of sins God had to throw into the sea of forgetfulness.. The ground is truly level at the foot of the cross. These new friends that God keeps sending into our lives... we prayed for them. I prayed earnestly for God to send us friends that loved Him, friends that were full of Him, and His truth, and He is... I'm amazed at the variety of friends He's sending us, so different, but in love with Him and trying to live for Him, getting back up when they fall, praying for guidance, strength, courage, love, faith and Godly wisdom, just like we are. He brings unity and love to His children. He gives us gifts in friends who have been through what we've been through, or can bring a whole different perspective to things we haven't gone through. So... today.. I'm asking God to bless my friends!!!

Jesus, bring comfort to my friends who are hurting today, peace to my friends who are worried, love to my friends who are lonely, blessings to my friends who are courageous, courage to my friends who are feeling weak, faith to my friends who are feeling unsure, hunger for truth and righteousness to my friends who are feeling lukewarm, renewed hearts to my friends who are discouraged.... God bless my friends! In Jesus name, Amen!